The Simplicity Of Dreams
by Lisa16
Summary: Dreams, unlike life, are so simple...


TITLE: The Simplicity Of Dreams AUTHOR: Lisa  
  
EMAIL: Saturn_girl19@yahoo.com  
  
CATEGORY: M/S Angst and Romance RATING: PG-13 ARCHIVE: Please just let me know.  
  
DISCLAIMER: These characters are not mine. That's all there is to it.   
  
SUMMARY: Dreams, unlike life, are so simple...  
  
~*~*~*  
  
I remember the first time you kissed me. We were only going to watch a movie, but somehow, I wound up sprawled on your bed, your soft hands gently holding me down. It felt sweetly new and fresh. I never knew you had wanted me, longed for my touch before that moment. I finally had the feeling that I made a significant impact on the world, even if the world only consisted of two lanky legs, and soft hands.  
  
  
  
I remember entertaining my fingers in your hair, pulling you closer, holding you tight. Holding you like the salvation that you were. Freedom had finally washed over me, and I wasn't going to let it dissolve.  
  
  
  
I was surprised at my unbridled emotions. What I was doing was so unlike me. But you always had a way of altering my perception of the world, of myself. You made me realize the different facets of myself that I didn't even notice were there before you uncovered them. Always persistent, but patient, you peeled the layers from the flesh of my feelings; vigorously you searched for the truth embedded in our union. You had become vital to my being because you were how I defined who I was. Without you, I would lose the most important aspects of myself: what lay undiscovered.  
  
  
  
I don't know what made you do it. Maybe you saw the thing beneath my eyes that I didn't want to admit to but that I secretly knew was there; the desire to be loved since I was not in the position to love myself. You always knew what was missing from my sky, and would run to the stars to fill the empty spaces.  
  
  
  
We stayed as one in that simple kiss for as long as our hungry bodies could handle. When the connection was lost, there was still a fire burning in the air between us, but I could feel my prison start to wrap around me again, so I claimed you as my own for the second time.  
  
  
  
  
  
But then the tears came, uncontrollable waves of sadness, brought on by the belief that I was too tainted for your touch. You ceased your motions, and looked through the dark orbs of my eyes.  
  
  
  
  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
  
  
  
  
"I am not worthy enough for you. I'm far from pure. I'm far from who you want me to be."  
  
  
  
"You are exactly what I wanted all along. Never think that you are not worthy. You are as pure as any other woman, but your better because you're you. You're beautiful."  
  
  
  
  
  
"No one has ever said anything like that to me before." I started to cry even harder then. The liquid coming in a rushing, steady flow. You kissed me again, to calm my tremors, but these kisses were more erotic, screaming messages into my mouth about lost time and promises of a better tomorrow, promises of more kisses like these, of more than just kisses. I was finally ready to be loved.  
  
  
  
  
  
But this bliss would soon come to a screeching halt. The time would come when you would have to leave me, and the fantasy I had created would fall.  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~*~*  
  
Your eyes were closed. I mumbled goodbye with my fingers as they tumbled on your skin, one devastating inch from thin air. I drew careless circles on your back, with my skin's transparent paintbrush. Around and around and around, a figure eight of good-byes attached like imaginary paper dolls. A breath crossed over your soft lips, and caused my hair to collide with nothing.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I can't believe you have to go so soon," I whispered.  
  
  
  
"That feels good," you said, one octave above silence. "You have a nice touch, a magic touch." So my tiny good-byes continued to combine with your flesh. I traveled aimlessly across streets and highways, country roads, and crosswalks, all the while, closing my eyes, so you would not see the silent water run from the small, dark oceans of my eyes.  
  
  
  
The forbidden territory of a love realized too late was transmitted like lightning to your waiting cotton skin. Fingertips trembled along to the beat of rushing hearts, and I was carried to a taboo bliss.  
  
  
  
You said, "I want to make you feel this way."  
  
  
  
  
  
You moved to unbutton my blouse, but I stopped you. "No. I don't want you to see."  
  
  
  
  
  
But. You're. Gorgeous," he says between hungry breaths.  
  
  
  
  
  
You run luscious kisses of sugar along my neck, my breasts, my stomach, stopping to suckle the soft, expectant places. There was no air is between us, only the heat of lost time. I possessed your look of pleasure, and your happy moans, as we touch good-bye, and reach artificial nirvana for one last time.  
  
  
  
  
  
*~*~*  
  
I sit on your bed now, alone, but almost secure that we made the right choice. You are not here, but I am, and though fatally fragile, I am breathing ... barely. Short, tiny wisps of air give me meager sustenance to move forward, but I do. I move on, all the while, secretly waiting for your return, and losing myself to the simplicity of dreams...  
  
  
  
  
  
*~*~*  
  
We are swaying in the waves of the ocean as the water laps at our bare legs and feet. You kiss away my tears, and melt away the asteroids of regret that are embedded in my skin. The stars are shiny in a black-blue sky, and the moon smiles its content and protection upon us. You wear a tuxedo. I wear a blue velvet ballroom gown and a blue Sapphire necklace that's heavy on my chest. You reach around my neck and gently undo the chain. You gather the beautiful mess of blue in your hands and drop it underneath us.  
  
"Let go ...Let go ...Let go..."  
  
"Let go of what?"  
  
"The regret. There is none. I will return. I will return. I will return. I will return."  
  
Your mantra rings through my ears as you slowly disperse into nothing out of my arms, and I wake.  
  
*~*~* We are tipsy from the alcohol of love's liquid. The sweet salt of our mingled sweat still clings to our bodies. The remnants of our night of careless rendezvous lay sprawled in your apartment, my blazer, blouse and nylons, your tie and T-shirt, blazing a trail to your bed.  
  
Chocolate stains and strawberry stems lay in the bed. We lavish in the freedom of the night, as we devour the fruit, let the juice run down our chins and into each other as we kiss.  
  
We dance the waltz to "Hernando's Hideaway" as you swing me around, making me giggle as you tip me in your arms, taking the opportunity to nibble at the bare skin of my neck.  
  
"I'm glad to hear you laugh again."  
  
"Only with you."  
  
"It's going to be awhile, you know; before I am home. You have to stay strong."  
  
"I'm so tired of being strong. It never seems to be enough."  
  
"It will be. You just wait and see."  
  
Again, you become one with the air. I wake alone, my hungry arms empty.  
  
*~*~* It's Christmas. We are decorating the tree in my apartment. Our child has been born. She's curious and headstrong like her father. She lays cuddled in the crook of my left arm as I use the other to string the lights. You come in from outside with a new batch of ornaments, trying to balance two boxes on one knee, and a stack of books about to fall over with the other.  
  
"What are the books for? We're supposed to be decorating," I say between grins.  
  
"Some classics I found while looking for the ornaments. Twain, Hemingway ... I thought we could read them to the baby. Get her farther ahead than the rest of the kids," you say, snickering slightly. I scold you for being so careless, but chuckle, as I come to your rescue, only to realize as I pick up one of the boxes that I have dragged the string of lights with me, and they have found themselves wrapped around my feet. Our daughter, eyes wide, is looking at the string from her position in my arm, and starts to bat at what is dangling. We both laugh as you try to untangle me, and she stares in bewilderment. We end up as a mess of baby, lights and teetering books, until we finally manage to undo ourselves and gain composure. Time suddenly stops again. And I can almost feel the tug of regret and angst as I realize it is time for you to leave again. The dream descends away, leaving me in an empty white space, like the end of a Star Trek episode.  
  
"It will be this way ...Soon," I hear your lone voice whisper over the quiet, and I wake again to nothingness.  
  
*~*~* Each day, I wake with a newfound hope and the strength to continue for another day. The dreams, unlike life, are a simple pleasure I look forward to every night as I crawl under your sheets and let the scent of you lull me into sleep.  
  
Days are not a simple pleasure. With each passing hour I feel my despair gain a stronger hold onto the flesh of my emotions, and your words slowly trickle out of my brain. You come to me every night to remind me, but it is a long wait between light and dark.  
  
I stood looking into my reflection that first morning after you left, my hair and skin dripping with water and invisible tears as I tried to imagine the coming days without you. I had to build up my armor again; the armor you so diligently helped me to rid in our time together, but without you as my strength I have to build it again.  
  
I lay again in your bed tonight, thinking, how long? How long until the complexity of life transforms into the simplicity of dreams? But I will sleep tonight, knowing that an angel is watching. 


End file.
